Why You React the Way You Do (Even When You Know Better)

Have you ever found yourself overreacting to something tiny?
Like, someone cuts you off in traffic and suddenly you’re rage-screaming in your car like you’re auditioning for a reality show?

Or maybe someone says something just slightly off, and you spiral into a mental monologue about how “they always dismiss you,” “you’re not respected,” or “you never say the right thing.”

Yeah… welcome to the club. Pull up a chair.

Here’s what most people don’t realize:
You’re not reacting to what actually happened.
You’re reacting to your interpretation of what happened.

And that interpretation? It’s filtered.

The Real Story Behind How You Process Life

This isn’t just some pop-psychology feel-good fluff — this is the NLP Model of Communication, and it’s wild how much sense it makes once you see it.

Here’s the play-by-play:

1. An External Event Happens
   Someone says something. A meeting doesn’t go as planned. You read a text and feel that pang of “ugh.”
2. Your Brain Filters the Event
   But here’s the kicker — it doesn’t come in clean. It gets filtered through all your:
   • Past memories
   • Decisions you’ve made
   • Values and beliefs
   • Language patterns
   • Meta programs (how your brain sorts information)
   And through this process, your brain deletes, distorts, and generalizes.
   Which means you’re not responding to the actual event — you’re responding to your mental remix of it.
3. You Form an Internal Representation
   That filtered event becomes a mental movie you play in your head. You add music, slow-mo, and probably a villain or two. 🎬
4. This Changes Your State
   Emotionally and mentally, you shift. You feel tense, embarrassed, annoyed, anxious — you name it.
5. Your Physiology Reacts
   Shoulders tighten. Breath shortens. Posture closes up. Your body literally shifts in response to this internal movie — not the real-life moment.
6. Your Behavior Follows
   And that’s when you snap, shut down, avoid the conversation, or talk yourself out of doing the thing you actually want to do.

So What Do We Do About It?

This is the game-changer:
If you want to change your behavior, you don’t just “try harder.”
You’ve got to go back to the source. The filters. The meaning. The internal rep that’s driving the whole thing.

Want to respond differently?
Then change how you see it.
Want a better outcome?
Then shift the story you’re telling yourself about what it means.

When you change your filters, you change your state.
When you change your state, you change your behavior.
When you change your behavior… that’s how you change your life.